Right before one of my meetings on this Monday, my phone began to buzz on my desk. I looked at it and it read Holt China Program. "This can't be. It's been only a 2 weeks, but I hope it can be!"
I picked up and our agency stated that we have been matched and were wondering if we were interested in knowing more about the child to consider adopting. Before I heard any of the child's current status, in my mind, I kept thinking "YES! WE DO! YES!"
After accepting the match and wanting to get more information about this child, I headed to my meeting. Overjoyed and realizing that I need to tell Heather, I texted her midway through my meeting: "We got matched."
30 seconds later, my phone buzzes on the conference table, this time it read "Heather." But I was in a meeting and couldn't answer. She called again. And again. Fired a text and I finally was able to answer and say I was in a meeting and would tell her more later.
That evening, we were on a high, that our prayers have been answered and we were potentially going to be matched. Going into it, we were cautiously excited, as we still had to understand better this child's medical condition. I started to contact doctors that I knew that would help, as well as international adoption doctors. I also did my initial Google research. The initial thought would be something pretty minor that we could handle.
During the course of understanding, our prayer request was specifically to get a clear yes or no that this child would be a part of our forever family. So as we started to get assessments back from doctors, it started with a potential yes, then to a confusing direct no. Was this our answered prayer or was this more confusion. Or was it the answered prayer we hoped not to get? All this waiting and we finally get a match, but the answer is no? Can it be?
We talked with the agency to get a better understanding of the process and if we were just crazy or if this was normal. We already felt like instant parents of this child. We felt as though we could provide an environment where this child could thrive and get healthy. If we said no, it felt as though we were abandoning the child. If this was our biologial child, would we ever give up? The emotions of grasping the gravity of the situation was taking us on a roller coaster ride that we weren't expecting.
The following two weeks were tough emotionally, mentally, and, as close as we could get, parentally. Through all the additional medical feedback we received, we felt the answered prayer was to decline the referral. After providing the decision to Holt, they affirmed that it was the right decision for the child and for us.
The rollercoaster has just begun.
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